Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
