I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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