but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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