Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My liver is preforming stress tests.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize