i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
