I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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