she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
