that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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