Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
