He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize