Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize