I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
it's like heaven, but drunker
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
