You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
