Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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