Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
