I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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