Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
