Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
