I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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