Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
