He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
