Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
