Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
