Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
