If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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