just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
This house was built for laser tag.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
