New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
