All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize