I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize