Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You can't special order awesome
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
