I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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