What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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