i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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