dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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