I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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