If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Success! We fucked roommates!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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