I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
