the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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