Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
