goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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