ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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