i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
