Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
