I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
