Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
