I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
