Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
