I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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