No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
