I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
