hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
