Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
