why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
