Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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