I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
