Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
