saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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