Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
