what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
