The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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