i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
