Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
